Bold beancounter burbling and bravado, and will it be KING Kenny or Useless F*cKING Kenny?

By: Martyn | July 27th, 2008

Stirring braggadocios yakking from the soundbiteoholic Iron Fist raises 4 bizarrely bemusing beard scratchers. In the introductory words of Kel from 1990’s TV fodder Kenan and Kel: Awwww, here goes!

(1). “As for Robbie, it was not his fault he got injured, but we believed if he was fit he would have got 20 goals for us next season.

“We did expect him to stay. but he was a free agent and we can only wish him the best of luck.”

No one is saying it is the club’s fault Robbie got injured. And injured. And then injured again. From my own point of view, one of the main things that grinded my gears about the whole Howler saga was the way in which we seemed to have no control over him. How is it that an employee of the club is not forced to show up on matchdays (week in, week out) either in the stands or on the bench when the youth teams are forced to and most other first team players make the effort?! Isn’t there such a thing as showing someone who the boss is? Maybe Jones thought it patronising to ask Robbie to turn up and watch us try and break down turgid teams such as Colchester. But as someone on the payroll of Cardiff City, Fowler should have been told that appearances at all our games were compulsory. It is a part of the job, and that after all is why he ended up at Cardiff City. Who cares what horse racing derby was on, for every sucker in the world, work has to come first. Half the time, we’re not just a doormat, we’re a doormat that triples up as a shoe-polisher and compliment giver.

(2). Langston, who are using former owner Hammam as an intermediary, were denied by the High Court the right to a summary judgement on the £31m debt owed to them.

They could still go to full trial, but Ridsdale said he believed last week’s ruling made that less likely.

“That was fantastic news for the club,” said Ridsdale.

“It means if they want to proceed to a full trial it would take them a coupe of years and cost them around £3m.

“This decision increases the likelihood of a negotiated settlement. Indeed, I have spoken to Sam Hammam three times already since the Appeal Court decision and that contact has been friendly I would say.”

Does he really believe the that the words of a man determined to get every last penny out the club are friendly? Such gestures from the Lebanese loon are false and blase, and as inappropriate as erecting a giant TV screen in a refugee camp and forcing the inhabitants to watch episodes of Property Ladder and Britain’s Best Home.

However, if we are to believe that such a ruling comes without a decimal point clause that could still screw us over, then this could be a great bit of news with regards to the financial situation.

(3). Less bizarre, more potentially telling:

“I am focused on just two things: our opening Championship game against Southampton and the league table when it comes round to May and ensuring Cardiff City are in that top six. That is our minimum ambition.”

This comes after Dave Jones uttered just 4 days previously:

“I am passionate about this and it will happen. Cardiff City will earn promotion – if not this coming season then the next season. We are growing stronger all the time.”

If the chairman says this season at the very minimum and the subordinate says maybe next season, will Dave Jones be getting deluged in P45 puns and clichés if we stay rooted come next summer?

(4). Meanwhile, Hasselbaink was not wanted anymore, but a clause in his contract entitling him to another season had been activated despite the Bluebirds claiming they had a verbal waiver, and City could now face legal action.

“Hindsight is a wonderful thing,” observed Ridsdale.

“Should I have ordered Jimmy to sign something? Probably. But when someone tells you their word is their bond well you do like to think that would be enough.

“I belive [sic] if you have trust and honesty in a relationship then it is mutual.”

For Gawd’s sake Pete, this wasn’t a idyllic ruddy Chris De Burgh song. In the words of Super Hans from Peep Show: “people like Coldplay and voted for the Nazi party - you can’t trust people”. Surely having been in the footballing business for a fair few years, Pistol Pete has worked out that footballers shouldn’t be taken at face-value as most of them are right greedy Richard Heads!? It gives some insight into the way our contract negotiations and general dealings are handled and removes any offuscation about why we’re struggling to sign strikers and having to do a Judith Chalmers in order to find forwards.

Perhaps we’re playing a derivation of pin the tail on the donkey with a world map and a painstakingly-poised index finger. If so, the large lump o’ land that is the US and A was fondled, and up, up and away went Ridsdale to the land of Rolling Rock, Wet n’ Wild, devastatingly devout patriotism, and Joey. Relaxing back in first class - Port? Golly, why the hell not! - the Tupperware box of lukewarm cheese rolls, Quavers and a caramel Rocky discarded in favour of the Menu’s more appetizing coq-au-vin, Pete was at last hoping this jaunt would bring the deus ex machina. Having offered more to acquiring players than KFC does to Michelin guide books, might Ridsdale have at last got his man? Step out of the shadows one FC Dallas stalwart, Kenny Cooper.

Young Cooper, currently tormenting opposition end-zones at Pizza Hut Park (a place not so much dripping in football history and nostalgia, more meat sweat). If he does sign (frequent Champions League trough slurpers Rosenborg may yet hold more sway), let’s hope he’s more Leon Cooper than Tommy Cooper.