Champions League Schmampions League

By: Martyn | April 9th, 2009

As generic early-third-millennium girl band All Saints once sang, “I know where’s it at“. Shaznay and the gang were right: who gives two hoots about UEFA’s too-exclusive and frequently-dull idea of a premier continental competition when you can see Cardiff City cherry-pickin’ on a team who’ve given Manchester United a run for their money on more than one occasion in the past two years!? Okay, yesterday’s 4-1 victory over Derby County was ~~somewhat~~ fortuitous, but sod it. As the cliche normally found nestling in the MOTD studiogoes, the best teams win when playing badly. Dave Jones championed the art form that is understatement when observing that “I don’t think we have played as well as we are capable of.” No brown stuff, Steve (or is it Mark/both?) Sloan! Nevertheless, at least 3 of the goals were plain brilliant and made up for the dreadful passing, slow tempo, lack of urgency, communication paucity and unwillingness to seize control.

Here was how I saw the game unfold: My men of the match for either side, duds of the match, crowd watch and the systems/expressions played out by either side.

Systems employed

Cardiff City
Joe Ledley did not feature amongst the substitutes, let alone the starting XI (on the subject of absentees, where the bleedin’ heck has Quincy got to?!! He doesn’t even get the opportunity of getting splinters on his pampered arse cheeks these days, not to mention actually role-playing as the Tasmanian Devil on-field!). This was presumably to rest the sleepy/exhausted Welshman in a game perceived to be one of the easiest on paper (even though the majority of people will view fixture lists online or in a Microsoft Word document, but the ‘on paper’ line is here for life!), and gave Dave Jones the rare leisure of presenting the wingers with total freedom to run riot owing to the fact that the seemingly less expressive and advancing Stephen McPhail and Gavin Rae were starting. As a result of the side losing Joe Ledley’s mass-oxygen stealing runs into the box, this was technically about as orthodox a 4-4-2 as we could play with both Chopra and McCormack in the same line-up. This arguably could have made us somewhat predictable with just the two options of attack (feed Bothroyd in the air or Chopra on the ground, and let McCormack/Whittingham with it), but this didn’t turn out to be an issue because the Bluebirds started – and maintained for the entire first half and large spells of the second – atrociously. Correspondingly, being predictable hasn’t exactly harmed us this season as we’ve been clinical enough to get away with the Championship and Dave Jones’s lack of tactical acumen. No one sought to get on the ball in blue apart from McPhail; every single kick of the ball from the other numskulls was frankly aimless. This misdirection seemed intentional mind: By hoofing it in the air, responsibility was delegated and brains were saved for a game of sudoku or whatever at the interval. It was stodgy all over the park, from back (Stuart Taylor obviously had a magnet wedged somewhere unpleasant and so was reluctant to venture away from the three metal poles) to back-ish (the defence was indecisive and too many corners and balls into the box were emulating a game of pinball initially. This improved as the game wore on thankfully and our centre-backs soon had every Derby County ball into the box flushed away) to front-ish (save for McPhail, the wingers were too quiet and Gavin Rae showed how truly inept – dreadful first touch, one-paced, no cutting-edge, unambitious, anti-spontaneous, weak – he is at this level. A packed County midfield didn’t aid matters) to front (Bothroyd and Chopra were neither linking with each other or the mid-park men). After bagging a few more well-worked goals despite the performance barely picking up, Jones adopted a more pragmatic and conservative 4-4-2 line-up to see out the tie by removing McCormack and sending on Paul Parry. A man normally so anonymous one wonders if he is North Korean. Prior to one reprimanding oneself for thinking such daft thoughts.

Derby County
The son of that homophobic, alcoholic bloke in the natty green sweater that everyone is obsessed with sent out a team in a 4-5-1 set-up. Nigel Clough might argue that his team were actually a more ambitious 4-4-1-1 or a 4-4-2 given the fact that Sterjovski looked to get at the slow and futile Mark Kennedy early on, but the other man who supported Rob Hulse – Barry Bannan – in a more conventional central role was simply all over the field. I lost count of the amount of tackles he made to help his defence, before hurling himself up the field like a cheetah on a David Attenborough show to launch a fleet of black and white shirts. From the off, the Rams looked certain to triumph in this game. They had a few half-baked to medium – well-done shouts for a penalty, along with several corners, free-kicks and yes sir yes sir three bags full of possession. The Rams were energetic, fluid and just plain wanted *it* more. The only real issue for them was McCormack on the rather creaky Paul Connolly, but these fears didn’t translate into reality more than once or twice. Quite how the Rams didn’t score until a late Eddie Johnson miskick is not too much of a mystery. Until Kris Commons came on, their set-piece plays were shocking, their finishing little better, and perhaps the ref had been a bit harsh in overlooking their triple PK shouts. Back to the beginning of the encounter, and out of the blue by the team in blue came Roger Johnson’s headed goal from a superbly worked free-kick, and the Rams were deflated, purple patch over, and green with envy at the opposition’s ability to get their supporters jumping up and down saying mangled and loud YEAAAARGHHHHs in unison (before half the crowd gets self-concious and resorts to polite applause instead). Maybe Son of Brian was seeing red at his team’s marking too, but then maybe I’m stretching this colour related humour too far. The Derbyshire located side’s possession based football that saw the ball skim the grass now saw it making full contact with Roger Johnson’s chavvy-quiff and Gabor Gyepes’s communist-hardened skull, and gradually the speedometer, socks and heads went down. In an attempt to get something, anything out of the game after McPhail had carved the back-line open for the Bluebirds’ second goal, Nige went with a conventional 4-4-2 with expensive Latin American import (a man surely destined for Vinnie Jones-esque hardman film roles once his playing days are over given his gruff appearance and sulky demeanour?!) added to the front-line. Centre-back Martin Albrechtsen was clearly the scapegoat for something and replaced by the more reliable, less error-strewn Andy Todd. Who then cocked-up and gave Eddie Johnson more room than Danny DeVito in a phone box to score City’s fourth (yup, FOUR!!) goal.

Men of the Match

Cardiff City
Stephen McPhail – It’s been a long time in coming but at last, Stephen McPhail delivered a performance worthy of his bloated reputation and disputable pedigree. This was a showing for the cynics and critics to put in their pipes and smoke in the most archaic of fashions, because the beleaguered Irishman was the architect of this victory. His willingness and desire to get on the ball and utilize the running abilities of the team’s wingers, speedy frontmen and Bothroyd’s brain kept the team afloat and ticking. McPhail’s assist for Rae’s goal (one clever through-ball was blocked, but the second, follow-up pass was even better and sliced Derby open with ease) epitomized the way he enjoyed and shone in this game. A few accurate passes and timed tackles would have been a nice enough change, but to do and commit to everything with such consistent accuracy was superlative-relaying stuff.

Honourable mentions – Michael Chopra was full of running and his desire grew as the game went on, along with his ability to pass and move. Likewise, Eddie Johnson’s late cameo was bursting with speed, precision and great movement.

Derby County
Barry Bannan – Quite simply fantastic. There was seemingly nothing that the little on-loan Aston Villa man couldn’t do. He has infinite energy and stamina, doesn’t seem to lose any tackles, dictates the tempo, wins headers despite his diminutive stature, plays it simple when needs be, has perfect positioning and movement (the centre-backs couldn’t keep up with his non-stop movement and he found positions that drew the defence out and kept the midfield deep – akin to what James McFadden did for Birmingham City at Ninian Park earlier this season), is always looking for the ball, has a mean strike on him, and is clearly comfortable playing in the hole (trequartista role) or further back/advanced. As Andy Gray might say in that harsh Scots accent of his, “Teek a boo, son”!

Honourable Mentions – Gary Teale started brightly and worked hard, but faded as the game wore on. Kris Commons came on too late to save his team, but his set-pieces and willingness to get on the ball might have won his team the game had he started.

Duds of the Match

Gavin Rae for previously mentioned reasons. This league is barely his level, so the Premier League is a definite no-no should we clamber up. Stuart Taylor’s kicking made Tom Heaton’s look more accurate than Robin Hood with a bow, and Peter Whittingham clearly thought he was at Ninian Park for a team photo rather than a game. As for the visitors, take your pick from any of the centre-backs, Messrs Todd, Nyatanga and Albrechtsen. And last and very much least, how Robbie Savage ever made a career for himself in the Premier League is a mystery. His pass completion rate must have been a single-figure percentage last night, and his normally robust style was toned down considerably.

Crowd Watch

The crowd were clearly aware that this might well have been the last match under the Ninian Park (Willo) flood lights, so every song got an airing. Erm, all 6 of ‘em. There is a devastating paucity of original and witty City song material these days, but regardless of the moribund state of fresh fan tunes, the atmosphere was enjoyable, lively and jovial. A worthy send-off to the soon to be extinct stadium, and no pointless anti-English animosity aimed at the taxi-load of Derby County followers. As for supporters going that extra mile when it comes to team songs… FC United of Manchester – take it away!

Alas, there are but two fixtures (three if we secure our spot in the play-off’s) left to fulfil at Ninian Park. Sad txtspk face. Next up for the Bluebirds is the Easter weekend double header which includes the penultimate game at our beloved old ground. It’s Palace away on Saturday, followed Burnley at home merely 46 hours after the final whistle peeps and Simon Jordan and his perma-tan swan off at Selhurst Park. An improved performance is a necessity if we’re to take 4 points from these two matches (it’d be nigh-on official that we’ve achieved our pre-season target then), and I’m optimistic for a change. So let me doff my metaphorical hat and acknowledge the wise, wise words of Bachman Turner Overdrive – YOU… AIN’T… SEEN… NUFFIN’… YET!!!