It’s like the exciting bit of one of those manager simulation games except that erm, this is actually real

By: Martyn | November 5th, 2008

As the world news radar is currently consumed by some election result in a big country the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, reports that Cardiff City’s only two strikers Ross McCormack and Jay Bothroyd are sidelined for one and two months respectively have been relegated to non-existent status. It’s Wednesday afternoon right now and the Bluebirds have still failed to secure the signature of a loan striker to replace even one of the stricken pair. Despite assurances and reassurances that Bullshit and Bullshitter are leaving no stone unturned in their quest to find the sacred striker, one can’t help but feel that even if the two plonkers in charge of our club have spent every second since Saturday looking for a striker they’ll still secure the most incompetent one with the flimsiest justification. After all, clearly no scout was ever sent tocheck out Eddie Johnson before we snapped him up and he was instead presumably signed on the premise that at a buying price of £3m he must be awesome! I’m all for the club seeking out supermarket brands where they feel that the name ones are overpriced, but seeing as our chairman allowed himself a £500k bonus, we’ve spent barely even 10% of the vast amount of transfer fees we’ve received in the past year, and the situation is absolutely desperate (surely Dave Jones even realises this as he put on Miguel Comminges over Eddie Johnson when Bothroyd limped off on Saturday), spending £200k on someone the club have sounded out in the first place as they believe he can do a job would be money well spent?! If we fail to win the majority of our games over the next month or two, our season would effectively be over. A club in mid-table will find it harder to attract players in the January transfer window than one that is right in the heart of the play-off shake-up as well so why not make a proper fist of things eh guys? Imagine owning the keys to the ignition of the marketing drive that would be Cardiff City in the Premier League in their brand new (hideous) stadium? £££££££!

Now I’m certain that some lazy hacks have put 17 and 17 together and come out with 35 when linking the club with Bolton’s Vaz Te. I’ve seen this lad on numerous occasions (on the TV admittedly) and never has he strayed above an ‘alright’ verdict. In fact, the last time I saw him play was against Sporting CF in the knockout stages of the UEFA Cup last season. Representing his club in a game against a team from his own nation, you’d have thought the also-ran-but-not-quite-and-probably-never-will striker would have been fired up to make an impression. He was dire. Think a more sulky Eddie Johnson. Although I’ve already established the critical nature of the striking situation (a mess created by Bullshit and Bullshitter’s farcical recruitment policy and actions this summer – you can’t just buy food for Monday-Saturday and expect grub to magic itself out of thin air on the Sunday), someone of Vaz Te’s calibre – awful goal record, forgettable loan spell at this level already with Hull City, potential and probable rustiness after 5 years of bench-warming and very infrequent involvement – is not the man to come in and help us. The club has to aim for and reach the best they can and it’s no good using the high fees or not enough time excuses – If we’d addressed and found the solution to the problem when we had the opportunity to do so all summer, we wouldn’t find ourselves in the sweetcorn-littered brown stuff.

Even if we don’t manage to recruit someone in time for Saturday’s game at Loftus Road at QPR, I’m certain that Eddie Johnson will not feature anyway. Jones will more than likely resort to a 4-5-1 formation in an attempt to maintain our unbeaten away record, salvage a point against a side rejuvenated by their ex-City representing caretaker manager, and keep the fans off his incompetent back for an hour or two. Heaton-McNaughton Johnson Purse Comminges-Ledley McPhail Rae Blake Whittingham-Parry is what we’ll see. This is probably the wisest formation Jones could adopt in fairness as starting the bumbling Eddie Johnson is not particularly wise (let alone bringing him in in the first place) and as its going, any new striker brought into the squad will probably be still learning his new colleagues names, let alone their style of play and that of the team’s.

Terry Phillips suggests several striking transfer candidates in this post – I’d say that some are obviously more suited to our needs than others and some are more realistic in attainability than others. Other candidates I’d add to the list having been overlooked or deemed unrealistic by Phillips would be Sherjill MacDonald (WBA), Heidar Helguson, Zoltán Harsányi (Bolton Wanderers), Zavon Hines, Freddie Sears (West Ham United), Richard Cresswell (Stoke City), Marvin Emnes (Middlesbrough), Henri Camara, Tomasz Kupisz (Wigan Athletic), Andy Carroll (Newcastle United), Manucho (Manchester United – perhaps slightly unrealistic seeing as he’s highly rated and was at Panathanaikos last season but why the heck can’t we try getting him in ’til January seeing as he won’t be featuring for his paymasters otherwise), Rade Prica (Sunderland), Felipe Caicedo (Manchester City), Miroslav Stoch (Chelsea), Nathan Delfouneso (Aston Villa), Jay Simpson (Arsenal), Dean Windass and Caleb Folan (Hull City). We’ve already missed out on fellow FLC gems such as ~~Leroy Lita~~ (Reading-Norwich City) and ~~Stern John~~ (Southampton-Bristol City) and I’m praying that Warren Feeney (Dundee United) can’t be recalled. Of course, this time you’d like to think the club applies some method to the madness and seeks detailed reports and character descriptions from various informed people on any prospective signing. While we are looking at what clubs have on offer Dave and Pete, why not see which midfielders are going as well? We sure as anything need some quality in that position and arguably given the form of our current central pairing the situation in that department is equally as urgent! Money isn’t the only thing that talks in football – squads sufficient in decent depth do too.

I should really reserve judgement or opinion about who I’d be content with so as not go in with the attitude or feeling that we missed out on someone who may well have never been a (realistic) target, or because we might recruit someone entirely unknown by us fan numpties and who turns out to do a magnificent job for the club. However, blogging isn’t for those who enjoy getting splinters up the arse, so one (or two?) of Vassell, Sears, Manucho, Camara, Folan, Vaughan, Creswell, Prica, Emnes, or Murphy would satisfy/pacify me and aid the squad. Preferably an experienced marksman over a young gun, as that list no doubt illustrates. However, should someone I consider unsuitable like Vaz Te arrive at the club I will offer him my support as I give to any player that pulls on the blue shirt in spite of what I offer in the previous paragraph (as much as Eddie Johnson is an awful player and signing, booing him when he comes onto the field of play is stil incredibly moronic by the minor element that persist in doing it). Continued failings will result in me venting my initial disillusions and discrepancies with the deal, although blame as with most of the dud deals of the past few years will firmly be attributed to Dave Jones. After all, you can’t blame a dog for biting you when its owner is just plain negligent. Likewise, berating said dog rather than the owner isn’t going to help the dog’s relationship with you or soothe the animosity towards you.

Seeing as Aidy Boothroyd got the chop at Watford, Jones is now the second longest serving manager in this division behind Coppell at Reading. Now as much as the stability pleases me, the fact that our manager continues to show his deficincies and flaws (transfer market, picking and persisting with out of form players, awful PR) says more than anything that the only reason he is still in a job is down to cowardice or tightened purse-strings by the board. Therefore, terming this as an achievement is like congratulating someone on staving off an impending execution for years, even though they know it’s gonna happen sooner rather than later and always when rather than if.