Old, new, borrowed and blue

By: Martyn | July 2nd, 2009

For once, borrowed isn’t a term applicable to the players recruited by the club thus far. However, I’m sure that’ll change come the last day of August when through the usual combination of sheer amateurism and blind panic we bring in the 2009/10 model of Eddie Johnson on weekly wages that amount to the accumulative sum of MPs expense claims. So while the middle-classes and the BBC staff in its entirety migrated to a field in Somerset owned by a guy who persists in putting a wig on his chin rather than his scalp, Cardiff City were busy selling players the dream. Here are the latest recruits.

THE NEW AND BLUE

Mark Hudson, 27, CB, £1m (from Charlton Athletic)
There are a number of reasons why one could be wary/pessimistic about the capture of a man who may or may not own a woman’s fashion store with a sibling. For starters, last season he played every week in the Championship’s worst (too kind?) side. Secondly, he’s here for an “adventure”: This isn’t the bloody Scooby Doo show, son! Our hearts could do without Surrey’s version of Indiana Jones adhering to a dictionary definition of adventure – a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome – this campaign. Thirdly, he may be 27 years old but it hasn’t all been plain sailing or regular game time. And last but not least is the fact that Hudson is clearly a pupil at the Pelé School of Quotes i.e. whatever he says, the opposite will happen. Take for example the reasons why he deserted Palace last summer. Hello again former mistress, Miss League One? Eek!

Despite local-originating match reports from several Charlton Athletic games inserting rare snippets of praise for Hudson’s “fortitude” amongst the barracking of his colleagues, I can’t help but go on my subjective take on the Addicks defence. Seriously, every time I saw a ball penetrate the thresholds of their area, the players’ reaction was akin to mistaking the spherical object for an about-to-detonate box of lit fireworks. Maybe Hudson was that hardy soul who was willing to give so much for the cause that he’d leap on the box in order to sustain the majority of the impact, but I can’t help thinking that Darren Purse would have done exactly the same and look how many points Purse’s ‘heroism’ cost us each season he was here.

Paul Quinn, 23, RB, £700k (from Motherwell)
Yet another player signed (a). from the S P L (b). from Motherwell (c). on the back of a disappointing campaign (lest we forget that David Marshall – another Scot – joined us last month after suffering relegation with Norwich City). As we leave behind the Park known as Ninian, Quinn departs the one called Fir: our journey now continues simultaneously at the verbal and physical monstrosity that is the Cardiff City Stadium.

Although Quinn’s signing may offer us new dimensions tactically with greater thrust, pace and directness from both – you ‘eard Kennedy; sod off – full-back positions (who knows, maybe we can even avoid long, useless punts upfield and start play from the back, ala Brazil 1970!), there’s just one problem: can we afford to rely on a player who missed a large chunk of a season because of fighting in a nightclub? Ironically, said incident happened at current City player Ross McCormack’s birthday party. You know guys, if you’d have just stuck with the bouncy castle and jelly/ice cream ideal, none of this would have happened!

Anthony Gerrard, 22, CB, £Undisclosed (from Walsall)
Will there ever be a piece written about Tony that doesn’t mention who his more famous cousin is? Alas, I myself have fallen into the trap! I know very little about A Gerrard, but his colleagues are in awe! Nevertheless, feet are brought firmly back to earth by the succinct and coherent assessment of the player on a Walsall fansite:

“He’s not slow, but he’s not hugely quick either. Good centre half at League 1 level. Does the simple things right (heads it away, likes a tackle) and takes no messing. Not much of a ball player (although I’ve seen far worse) and while he looks a threat at set pieces that doesn’t seem to have translated into goals.”

Hmmm indeed.

So after the signings of Nostradamus, Cassius Clay, and Lucien Freud, who the Dickens is next… Ronnie Biggs (aka Bradley Wright-Phillips)!?

POTENTIAL NEW AND BLUE

Maros Klimpl, 28, DMC, free? (from FC Midtjylland)
Although one could argue that our current CMs are too negative anyway, I am of the belief that we could do with another defensive midfield player; albeit one with energy, genuine bite, and the ability to ghost into the box and score goals (the latter being a particular attribute sadly devoid in our centre midfield). However, at a legs-at-the-dawn-of-tiring 28 years old, is Klimpl that man? No surprises for guessing that the Slovakian caught our eye whilst on loan at feeder-club-in-all-but-officialism Motherwell, but his signature is held by FC Midtjylland of Denmark. If Klimpl is snapped up, the club must ensure that his arrival is supplemented by the acquisition of two creative central midfield men.

OLD AND STILL BLUE

Michael Chopra, 25, SS/FW, £3m (from the land of Sunder)
Chops yesterday usurped Peter Thorne as the club’s record signing by agreeing a permanent deal with the club for the second time in his career (technically making this his third spell at the club). Although he spent three-quarters of the 2008/09 season here on loan, the former-Newcastle United starlet never went close to fully replicating his magic form of the 2006/07 season that saw him earn a £5m ticket back to the highest echelon of English professional soccer.

While this deal is worrying because last campaign he was here having to impress to earn a deal (and now that he’s got it, one might assume that he’ll do sweet F.A. for the next several years), one must remember that football is nothing without context. And the context of the Chopra situation you might ask? He was in the midst of a very messy divorce and seeking a cure to a long-standing gambling problem. If Chops can continue what he does best (non-stop running that isn’t of the headless chicken variety but with purpose and an understanding of the game and its multiple possibilities) and attain/maintain his mental and physical tranquility/peak, then his ability to score goals of all shapes, sizes, distances and power will soon return.

Ross McCormack, 22, RM/LM/AMC/FW (new deal)
We’ve done what we always do: securing a cheaply-recruited potential hot potato to a lengthy, extravagant deal, thus ensuring we make moolah when the inevitable happens. Nevertheless, McCormack must find more consistency next season. There’s no doubting the wee Scot’s extraordinary ability – one only has to witness his truly remarkable goal at Selhurst Park – and versatility, as well as his masterful set-pieces technique; but there’s little point in ruining these quite marvelous attributes with bouts of distastefulness that include sulking, hopeless misinterpretations of golden territorial advantages that lead to wasteful greed, and stretches of anonymity.

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p.s. Dave Jones has been plugging his autobiography over the past fortnight. For all his managerial shortcomings, one feels nothing but sympathy for his plight and ordeal, and relief that sense and justice eventually prevailed. This piece in The Times tells the story best.

p.p.s. Warren Feeney is apparently leaving us to join a “massive” club. After spending last season out on loan (in Scotland, as far away from the club as possible, thus ensuring that recalling him was difficult, nigh-on impossible), the man so ludicrously signed and provided with a THREE (THEEN, TRES, TRE, SAN, TROIS) year deal looks set to be departing at long last. City fans worldwide must be scratching their heads as to how a man only pipped to the post of most useless thing in the world by the proverbial chocolate teapot got a deal with another club, let alone a massive one. So who, asks ye, are this “massive” club. Why, Leeds United, of course! Enjoy his Xavi-like technique, pow-acc shooting ability, fearsome scoring record, astute positional sense and aware link-up play fellas. Lolz!

p.p.p.s. FIXTURE CHANGES. Newcastle United at home has been shifted back a day to Sunday September 13th. No prizes for guessing Sky. Sorry, why.

p.p.p.p.s. The wantonness of the official site and its lust for something, anything is perfectly encapsulated by the hyperbole of this rather laughable “historical day”, a “world first”.