‘Phew’ at these few

By: Martyn | October 30th, 2009

APTOPIX Huckabee 2008 By virtue of failing to capture a transfer target last summer, it appears that we’ve had a fortuitous moral escape. Marlon King was briefly lusted after, but thankfully negotiations barely went beyond a few e-mails/faxes/phone calls. Or texts, whatever it is club chairmen do these days (Ridsdale to Dave Whealan: “HI DAVE. CN WE SGN KNG PLZ? ‘PISTOL’ PETE” Whealan: “AYE, BOO TIT’LL COST YER…LOL”). King has just been jailed for 18 months on a sexual assault charge, amongst other things. While players at our own club have also spent the past week making headlines for the wrong reasons (yes, YOU, McCormack, you ignorant bundle of dog doo), the few million that was likely to have changed hands in luring King down here would have that made transfer a disastrous and costly investment.

In a quasi-deja-vu-ish post, it seems our Marlon King deprivation hasn’t been the sole close shave we’ve had in the transfer market. There were failed overtures to Marcus Bent and Remco van der Schaaf: a pair whom currently spend Saturday afternoons working on their golfing handicaps in the Midlands and Lancashire respectively. Then there was Alexei Smertin, a player who caused Dave Jones a wasted trip to London (I hope he travelled by Megabus. Every Little Helps, to dip into my supermarket-indoctrinated psyche for cliché assistance). Something of a maverick in that he was a footballer who had a detectable brain, and Rasputin-esque locks the antithesis of Tommy Pickles (I bet there was a footballer in the 50s actually called that!), Smertin wouldn’t have been suited to appeasing a demanding South Welsh public intent on promotion, primarily because a desire to bother had gone. This is encapsulated by the fact that he is now a politician in his native Russia, a career he turned his hand to during the season he was so close to representing us in. Ultimately therefore, signing these blokes would have been dafter than (a couple with the surname Ridiculous naming their child Frank-Lee? Nah Martyn, you’ve done that one already. Hold up: why are you referring to yourself in the third person?! Who are you, Robbie Savage?!) the Bananas in Pyjamas asking for a tour of the monkey enclosure down Bristol Zoo.

allianz_arena1 Alas, perhaps one target we missed out on is worth ruing. A rather dull ‘Will He, Won’t He’ semi-saga of last summer saw Kenny Cooper opt to continue plying his trade for FC Dallas at ~~McDonald’~~s ~~Burger King~~ ~~I Dunno, I’m Giving Up, Some Other Generic Fast Food Chain~~ Pizza ~~Express~~ Hut Park. However, since shunning Tremorfa for Texas, Cooper has earned the right to play his football in Germany. The stadium? Only the bloody ALLIANZ ARENA!!!!! This grandiose piece of architecture is home to Bavarian giants Bayern München, a colossal club boasting the likes of Arjen Robben, Franck Ribery, Bastian Schweinsteiger and many other illustrious names amongst their ranks. Oh yeah, it’s also home to another Munich-based team; them being the ones Cooper actually plays for. Had I forgetten to mention that? Soz! Yup, the American has wound up down TSV 1860 München way. The River Isar outfit are currently 14th in the second tier, and Cooper – who bears an uncanny resemblance to the archetypal Scooby Doo cartoon villain – has bagged a staggering 2 goals in 10 League games. This handy graph perhaps not only represents his side’s form, but also the trajectory of the striker’s career. Blast!