Q. How many Jack Bar-Stewards does it take to change a lightbulb? A. It doesn’t matter, they’d all be too occupied trying to smash it.

By: Martyn | November 30th, 2008

Swansea City is a horrible football club and the city itself is host to horrible people. Firstly, the Jack goalscorers celebrated with the infamous ’swim away’ motion, a rite of passage for all Swansea folk and players that relates to an incident a few decades back when Swansea hooligans – who far outnumbered their counterparts – chased some City supporters into the sea. Martinez may be a cultured manager who can be admired for the nice brand of football that his team plays, but not clamping down on or condoning this type of hooligan rubbish is pathetic. Some might say it’s just an attempt to wind us Cardiff fans up and if that’s the case, it worked. But the fact you have professional footballers paying homage to an act of violent hooligan fighting is just intolerable and Pratley (plonker) and Pintado (prat) should be slapped with hefty fines and bans and made to visit the local A & E to speak to people on the receiving end of unwarranted and unprovoked beatings. As for the Swansea City supporters, these are among the most despicable you are ever likely to meet. As they did in the Carling Cup clash September last, they tried their utmost to climb into the away end and as a result several members of their support ended up fighting with one another. Clever stuff, boyos. And as for the vomit-inducing “We’ve got Roberto, you’ve got a paedo” chants reverberating from every stand in the ground bar ours for the second game in a row, you all give yourselves a nice pat on the back for that. Totally big and brave. Not to mention clever. So anyway, disgusting people, dead-end place, idiotic players (who added to this reputation with various tricks such as diving and repeated rugby tackling), and a bland ground. Wales has two teams in the Football League. One plays the game fairly with intelligent players who rise above reactionist rubbish and has a structure that is trying to prevent hooliganism from ever rearing its ugly head again. The other has cynical players with eggs for brains and even has its players trying to stoke the fires of fans who so dearly want a scrap.

As for the game itself, a 2-2 draw, one particular moment and act of indefensible stupidity was the biggest talking point and turning point for us Cardiff followers. The mindlessness of Stephen McPhail getting himself sent off. What in God’s name was the useless moron doing??!!! After getting sent off in last month’s derby game, an early shower that essentially cost us the game, this time the Irishman decided to repeat and top his stupidity by getting a second yellow card for kicking the ball away in the presence of the most card happy person since Mr Clinton set up his famous chain of shops. We were 2-1 up at this point and our 4-4-1-1 formation (it may have looked like a 4-3-3 or 4-4-2 on paper, but in reality it was anything but) that was making us the more comfortable side in the game was thereafter ruined. We had dissolved the threat their pass and move 5-man midfield had offered early on by alternating Chopra and Bothroyd to drop back and tuck in. With the crowding their midfield provided, our best chance of getting into their third came from long punts up to Bothroyd, and hoping that our pacy players Chopra, McCormack and Routledge would feed off the scraps and conjure/create. To be fair, this was the right tactical approach to adopt. Our central midfield players (Ledley instead of Rae today) have been swallowed up and spat out by so many packed opposition midfields recently that we couldn’t rely on them in this big local and big play-off position deciding game. Bizarrely, when our central pairing did get on the ball as Swansea’s attacks lost some pace and purpose after their goal, they carried the ball with no urgency whatsoever. Ledley in particular was guilty of this and it was as if the pair had been told not to get anywhere near the round thing.

Similarly, although the situation rectified itself as the game progressed (and when it became a back to the walls job after McPhail’s red card), initially there was no bridge linking our midfield to the defence, let alone our attack. Although they were forced deep and told to buckle down in order to withstand the inevitable heavy pressure from the attacking Swansea 6, there was a gaping gap somehow left for Swansea’s opener as Pratley adopted a position that neither the midfield or defence were willing to close down. Our goals came from a sumptuous Ledley strike and a penalty that Chopra won and McCormack converted. Substitutions saw us change to a 4-4-1 post-dismissal as Chopra and Bothroyd were taken off for Rae and Parry (who started up front alone but was essentially ploughing on rocks and ended up switching to a LM position with McCormack). A welcome return was the bringing on of Scimeca too, although it remains to be seen whether he can regain the fitness and form that madehim our talisman a few seasons ago.

Here’s how the boys in blue fared for our fourth 2-all draw of the season.

Peter Enckelman was rarely called into action until the final 20 minutes and pulled off a number of essential saves to keep the scores level. Kevin McNaughton was as swashbuckling as ever but his marking was non-existent for their equalizer. Roger Johnson put in his usual shift of hard tackling and atrocious passing, and Gabor Gyepes did a little less of the bad distribution and a little more of the brave defending. Mark Kennedy put some grit into a position that was definitely more RB than RWB. Their opener came from his side and although it was a whole yard offside, he has to take a portion of the blame. Wayne Routledge was and always is the boy most likely to. Carried a threat until late in the game and Bessone simply could not handle him in the first half as he resorted to rugby tackling and constantly getting Routledge to bury his head into his nipple region. The Argentine really should have been dismissed. Joe Ledley scored a fantastic goal but he was slow and clueless on the ball and had a few lazy moments in the second half when he would remember to pick up his man about two seconds after the Jack in question had passed him. The sooner Stephen McPhail is booted out of the door the better. Two derbies and two sendings off this season barely even begin the first chapter. He has been so woeful all year that he genuinely offers not one thing to the team. Ross McCormack was quiet and withdrawn, clearly not happy at the position he was being forced to operate from. The defensive duties that came with his LM position really aren’t part of his game and as a result we lost the threat of the free-scoring Scot. Jay Bothroyd still doesn’t look fully fit and he didn’t have an effective afternoon at all. Michael Chopra would run forever and displayed that in this game by chasing an unlimited amount of lost causes. Did well to win the penalty early in the second batch of 45 minutes, but could have done better with a spooned chance in the first half. Gavin Rae offered more of an attacking threat than normal and kept his position well in the deepest depths of midfield. Paul Parry looked half-arsed and unfit and if John Toshack was watching then I’m sure he won’t be too disappointed at not being able to pick him anymore. Riccy Scimeca had no time to be judged.

The FA Cup draw also took place this afternoon and we drew Reading at home. It’s one of those cup ties. And my lack of articulation really does describe nothing and everything at the same time!