When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

By: Martyn | July 19th, 2008

I’m pretty certain that if our club ever took a hen to a cutlery factory, they’d still somehow fail to organise an egg n’ spoon race. Even if they did manage to figure it out, the hen would probably disappear to a factory in Birmingham instead , and the cutlery produced in said factory would be knives. And on that note, the highly topical subject of the UK’s most infamous dinner table weapon, it’s very much a case of knives out at Cardiff City Football Club right now.

Moan
Groan
Sigh
Scowl

Perhaps this all forms some twisted kind of gameshow. A rather rude yet very apt title could be ‘Cock up, Foot In Mouth’. And here’s your host with the most, Sepp Blatter! A fitting candidate to front footballing farce. Moving on, let’s introduce today’s contestants: David Jones of Liverpool… come on down! Peter Ridsdale of Yorkshire/wherever the bonuses are good… come on down!

Sadly, the TV screen goes fuzzy from hereonin for this concoted fictional programme. The contestants flopped at every turn, the audience hissed their disapproval, and no prizes were won or awarded. Boo-hoo indeed.

As a fan, I want to see P + T – Progress + Transparency. Not piffle and trifle. Progress seems to be a taboo lexeme for our club, and the train has decided to park in between ascending stations. Using a scale of TV character bodily mass to represent the transparency emanating from our club, the Funny Bones protagonists end of the scale that we need our club to reside in is sadly empty. Instead, we’ve dropped the anchor at the end hosted by the tubby foursome of Tony Soprano, Jo Brand, Peter Griffin, and Eric Cartman. It’s all wibbly-wobbly lies and telling statistics.

Sort. It. Out.