YEEEES to a much-required Gas and Heating Bill provider’s Cup exit, and lamenting the paucity of an orgasmically alliterative Fan Zhiyi fanzine!

By: Martyn | February 18th, 2009

NET-RUSTLING PREVENTER PROBLEMS

In news I haven’t reported recently, golden baldie oldie Peter Enckelman (a tongue-torturing headline just waiting to be written upon his retirement or departure – FINNISH FIND FINISHED! Failing that, I offer my own to cover Enckleman’s knee injury that dictates his 6-week absence – FINN KNEE NOT FUNNY! Right, time to start acting my age again…) injured himself so we’ve recruited ex-Swansea City keeper (a Jack as recently as this season) Dimitrios Konstantopoulos on loan until the summer from Chris Coleman’s Coventry City. Now, the original stand-in Tom Heaton has damaged his thigh, so Dimitrios gets the gloves with an untested Polish kid as his deputy! Who else smells a turn-o’-the-century Brooklyn based sitcom?

THE ARSENAL STADIUM MYSTERY

Despite spouting this sort of claptrap, we went and did this. What was it Boyzone sang/warned about again? Tom Heaton received the only plaudits in the way of Cardiff City in spite of the fact we all knew already he’s a good shot stopper but his kicking and distribution is downright turgid and part of the reason why he lost his place in the team.

I didn’t attend the game because it was overpriced for a game with no real value or competitive edge (I’ve saved my money to ensure that I attend the majority of our remaining away league games). I also failed to watch the game because Monday’s are one of the nights my 5-a-side team play League games on. We had a crucial game (Drawn, 6-6) that evening, so I prioritised and went with putting my moulds on. But my brother said we were crap. My other brother said we were crap. My dad said we were crap. My City supporting mates who watched the game said we were crap. My City-fan-when-it-suits-but-otherwise-Premier-League-and-Soccer-AM-all-the-way game-watching pals said we were crap. And from that and the various match reports I’ve had a gander at, I have fathomed that we indeed had an off-night!

Nevertheless, (A). We hadn’t played a game for two weeks so rustiness was always going to be an issue. (B). It’s a nice little warm-up for a return to league action and it gets the competitive juices bubbling once again. (C). The exit means that we’re spared any more fixtures that could harm the season’s main objective. (D). An heroic effort and/or extra time would have placed an even greater mental and physical strain on the players. Therefore, an ass-whooping and flat end/cool-down to the game was necessary. (E). Arsenal tonked Sheffield 6-0 in the Carling Cup this season, and it’s hardly derailed their season.

WOLVES PONDERING

Next up for the Bluebirds is Wolves (a game I am not attending due to the fact the scoundrels are charging an obscene £43 to spend the day being treated like a prisoner), and feasibly the team-sheet could be compiled with a startling variation of nationalities. Lining up in the 4-4-2 we so often opt to put down on the team sheet – it tends to be anything but once the ball is in motion – the Cardiff City League of Nations could resemble thus:

Greece/Guadeloupe, England, Hungary, Northern Ireland/Wales, Republic of Ireland, Scotland, Ghana/United States of America, Jamaica (via a spell in Italy’s Serie A)?

However, this would make the line-up:

Konstantopoulos/Comminges, R Johnson, Gyepes, Capaldi/Ledley, McPhail, Rae, Quincy/E Johnson, Bothroyd.

Whilst not being entirely non-factual or wide of the mark, there will be at least 4 different names tinnily reverberating around Molineux when the tannoy man announces the away side’s XI.

Carrying the baton of this theme some more, you can add to that list of current exotic squad incumbents the half Indian Michael Chopra, young Polish keeper Erwin Sak, Finnish Peter Enckelman, and Darcy Blake who’s father is Vice-President of Albania. I hasten to add, at least one of those was made up. No prizes for guessing which. Venturing through the atlas some more, recent seasons have seen pit-stops in the Welsh capital for Fan Zhiyi (China), Junichi Inamoto (Japan), Luigi Glombard (France), Glenn Loovens and Iwan Redan (Netherlands), Andrea Ferretti (Italy), Tony Vidmar (Australia) and Winston Faerber (Suriname).

It’s all far removed from the give-it-to-Griffith Division 4 days of Lee Baddeley, Kurt Nogan and – a tad later – Andy Legg, but please don’t interpret this as some sort of Neo-Fascist cleansing argument! Arguably and anyhow, nationality is something of a redundant meter when it comes to identity in this day and age. Likewise, in the latter list of players, Cohen Griffith was born in Guyana. So interpreting it as any kind of lust for a team full of Dave’s, Stanley’s, and Brian’s is a moribund argument! Mr Jones’s class of 2009 is representative of the globalization-immersed 21st century higher echelon football, and in a sense, shows that we are now one of the big boys with a scouting network that gives us eyes beyond our island’s waters!

WOLVES PONDERING WITHOUT THE RISK OF DIGRESSING!

Back to Sunday’s game, and a draw would suffice against a wobbly Wolverhampton Wanderers. I expect Wolves to play it tighter than they have done in many games to stop the so-called rot, but with the talent they have at their disposal, we can never be cautious enough. Therefore, call it madness, but my crystal ball-gazing saw two bagels separated by a hyphen.

P.S POINT ZONE!

- WELSH RIVALS FOR RECORD BREAKING RIDICULOUS O’CLOCK DERBY KICK OFF TIME! Battle will commence upon the conclusion of Steve Wright’s Sunday Love Songs.

- AND HAVE ANOTHER SLICE OF RECORD-BREAK CAKE! See the third question down for tales of Cardiff City’s European Cup adventures in erm, Uzbekistan.